This may also hold true if you have face-to-face contact with women who accept your flirts, but with that opportunity, you would have gotten divorced or into the saddle a long time ago.
The ultimate purpose of dating is sex. Yes, friendship, companionship, and even love may be in the equation as well, but unless you’re a 70+ year old that has – erroneously – decided that that part of his life is over, you’re going to want to make love to the woman you’ve approached, or whose invitation you’ve accepted.
And women want that, too. Don’t think for a moment that just because you ex-wife lost all interest in sex (with you) years ago, that women – including your ex when she gets back in the dating scene – doesn’t want to enjoy the physical aspect of a relationship. From the first date, she is evaluation you, just as you are sizing her up.
So you arrange to meet. You have coffee or a drink. Maybe you get along terrifically and there’s another date soon thereafter, dinner or perhaps a show. I personally don’t subscribe to the paradigm that a third date guarantees sex, sometimes slowing things down to enjoy the thrill of anticipation is a good idea. However, at some point, be it date #3, or #4, or maybe #2, you’ve got to be prepared to perform.
There’s an aphorism, “When a dog chases a car, what does it expect to do if it catches one?”
You get the woman. She’ll be yours if you ask, or maybe she’s asked you. “Care to come in for coffee,” has NOTHING to do with Arabica beans. You have sound reason to expect that you may have trouble getting a sustainable erection the first time you have sex with a new woman if you’ve been sidelined for a number of years. Here’s why:
- Pure psychology: “Performance Anxiety” will set you up for poor performance just by the very thought of it. Asking yourself the question, “Can I do it?” is a sure-fire way to get this particular snowball rolling down the mountainside.
- Long-term reliance on masturbation: Your only source of release has been you. You will undoubtedly have a favorite way of exciting yourself and bringing yourself to ejaculation. You will have done this with some frequency – at times – and almost always the same way. But that could set you up for failure with a woman. A vagina feels different than your hand – or whatever. The sensation being different, you may have trouble maintaining an erection until her satisfaction. You may not be able to achieve orgasm and ejaculation. You’ve put yourself into a masturbatory rut. Try other ways of doing it. Here’s a web site that details various techniques. It looks like a gay site – it’s not (I think) – but don’t let that stop you from visiting. Gay or straight, masturbation is still auto-eroticism, it’s just what you think about during the deed that differs: Orgasmic Guy. (you probably don't want to view this at work.)
- You’ve gotta blow the gunk out of your carburetor. For those too young to remember carburetors, before fuel injection, it was a very clever device to mix air and gasoline before it went into a car’s engine. They were subject to fouling, and from time to time had to be cleaned... or you’d have to get your wheels out on the highway and take it to 100 to really blow out the crud. Your erection mechanism is the same. If it sits too long without use – female use – then you need to get it used to female touch, attention, and arousal again. I’m not promoting illegal – and perhaps unhealthy – activity, but here’s where a good hooker might be useful. Or, any stranger with benefits that won’t be around to judge you on your new-found ineptitude. An alternative is to find a woman who understands that you’ve been off the rodeo circuit for a while and will give you some time to regain your lost eptitude.
- Try a placebo. Take the boner-pill, but don’t invest in a year’s supply. Use Viagra or Cialis for the first few times. Yes, they will have physical benefits, but more importantly, they give you the confidence to overcome psychological roadblocks, masturbatory tunnel vision, and ensure reasonable performance while your erectile machinery gets used to a woman’s touch. Then stop taking them, they’re not good for you.
In conclusion, don’t second guess yourself. If you wake up in the morning with a sustainable piss-hard-on, or you get a little wood when the 20-something in your office bends down to file something in a bottom draw, your machine works. Take it slow when you’re with your woman. Make love, don’t shoot for just sex. She’ll like that and so will you.
Talk to your new mate. A woman should be understanding, maybe even encouraged by the fact that you just got out of a bad marriage and DID NOT “cheat” even though you were cut off for the last few years. Play that up: “I was still bound by my vows, and that’s why I sought divorce before dating again, and that took X years.”
If you’ve let yourself go – you’ve gotten fat and physically useless – then you may have some physiological reasons to be concerned, too. You may be too unhealthy to get an erection and have erectile dysfunction for real. Fortunately, while you’re working toward finding Ms. Next, you can make yourself feel and look better. Read my book:
HARD! Maintaining Potency, Eliminating Erectile Dysfunction, and Enjoying Healthy Sex for Life is not just for those with ED, but for all men who want to keep functioning throughout their life. A concise and powerful men’s health guide, HARD! provides a protocol for how to do everything right.
Available at BN.com/Nook, Apple, and Amazon/Kindle.Also available in all eBook formats for immediate download: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/65109.
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