On-Line Dating -- The Digital Yenta

I thought I'd take a break from discussing what could go wrong in a man's sex life to what could go right.

I, as your probably do, demeaned the idea of finding women via dating sites. Last summer, however, having been divorced for a while, felt I was ready to meet someone. I was closing in on 60 years old, though I feel much more like 45, and was ready to get back in the saddle.

Having frequented local watering holes with some regularity, I couldn't remember the last time that I had even seen an age-appropriate single woman in whom I could be interested – on my side of the bar. Plus, if I had, she might still be married, involved, or just too high maintenance for me to deal with – I was operating with limited capital. Additionally, unlike the me of my 20s and 30s, I really wasn't interested in picking someone up just to get laid. I was hoping to meet someone I could date for a reasonable period of time – a few months, at least.

Okay. I admit it. That's laziness. I didn't want to have to keep breaking the ice every time I wanted some action... that seemed like a lot of work. Settle down with a steady squeeze for a few months – hey, longer if we really get along – and be able to enjoy a woman's pleasures on a Saturday night without ever having to leave the house.

So, depending on bars for social encounters was out. Perhaps, someone at the office? Well, that's just a bad idea for more reasons than this blog has server space to enumerate.

While lamenting to a buddy, he told me of his adventures with on-line dating. He had gotten some traction, and he thought I might enjoy it, too. I scoffed, then I looked, then I signed up. I quickly discovered that these sites are not just for old farts like me. There are girls as young as 18 and many, many in their 20s looking for age-compatible men. Some are so incredibly beautiful you'd wonder why they'd have to resort to on-line at all. But they do. By the way, there are beauties of all ages, and I was encouraged.

It doesn't matter which site. From what I understand they're all pretty good. Match.com, Chemistry.com, eHarmony.com, and the plethora of other sites that appeal to those with particular religious, ethnic, or racial specificites... they all work. Best to engage a few as a guest before paying any money, and find one that just feels right to you. There's even one site that is pretty much designed for upscale people who just want to have sex; it costs $250 to join, and from the very brief glimpse I got of it – pressing my nose against the digital window – these were all ultra-maintenance women... and worth it... but all above my pay-grade.

What I like about meeting women on-line is that it takes the “blind” out of blind dating. You get to see a photo of the woman and read how she perceives herself. You first communicate by email, then chat on the phone. If that appeals you meet in a public place, usually a bar or coffee house. The decision whether there will be a second, more traditional date is generally made there and then. It's simple, usually low-cost, and non-committal.

What I've come not to like about it, is that our – I include myself – self-perception can be far off the mark. One “fun-loving, loves-to-laugh” lady I met barely cracked a smile during our entire 60 minute encounter. Perhaps I don't look like Brad Pitt, and I don't have the comedic talents of Conan O'Brien, but, come on, you're out, your having a drink, lighten-up!

Still, there are many women who put themselves out there, present accurate and timely depictions of their face and figure, write open, honest, and interesting things about themselves, and are very "intriguing."

So, the point: if you're having trouble meeting women, fully consider the on-line approach. Here are a few tips for you:

1. If you're serious about doing this, get a few new photos of yourself to post. You should have at least two; one a genuine portrait shot of your face, preferably smiling. The other a head-to-toe shot. Let them see your physique, good, bad or whatever. They're going to see it if you meet anyway. If you can muster up a third, action picture, then do it. Bicycling, river rafting, hiking, walking your dog. Show her visually that you actually get of your ass occasionally and do something.
2. Next, each site will have a number of “about me” paragraphs you have to write: one general, another about what you're looking for in a woman, and others describing your various interests. Write them off line using a word-processor with spell-check. Take your time. Be honest, but they don't have to know about the boil on your ass. The purpose of the first meeting is to get to know you, the paragraphs are just a brief introduction. Did I say, “be honest?”
3. After you create your profile, have someone you know – preferably a woman – look at it and tell you what she thinks. Have you been honest? Can she understand what you've written or is it gibberish? Have you left out something that's a good selling point? You're marketing yourself as you would any other product or commodity. If there's any truth to the aphorism that you only get one opportunity to make a first impression, this is it. If your friend(s) find fault, then make the necessary changes.

Some tips about finding women:

1. Don't depend on their photo to make your choice. The beautiful women get invitations every day and can be choosy. Unless you are Brad Pitt, you're going into the arena with too many other guys; the odds are against you. Also, remember the old joke about going to bed with a "10" and waking up with a "2?" It's not always the booze. A woman can fix herself up to go out – or for a photo-shoot – that belies her day-to-day appearance. Bottom line: don't make a selection based only on physical attraction; there has to be some substance there as well.
2. Take a hint: If the woman's picture is of her standing in front of a Bentley, and you drive a Corolla, you may be out of your league.
3. Read their entire profile. See what they like and don't like. If they enjoy spending an hour a day at the gym... and you don't... chances are that's a bad choice. If they love the opera... and you don't... that's a bad choice. If they hate sports... that could be a very bad choice.

I can tell you a lot more about my experiences and how best to market yourself. If you're interested, let me know through the comments section below, and I'll expand on this topic in future posts.

PS: My current status? I've met with half a dozen women. I have two new dates pending, and I'm having a lot of fun just playing the game.

The 4-hour Erection: Fact or Myth?

In their high-profile, market-penetrating advertising campaigns, Viagra® and Cialis® both warn that one should seek immediate medical attention if, having taken their medications, one experiences an erection that lasts more than 4 hours. Question: isn't 3 hours long enough?

Priapism is the medical term for an unrelenting erection in the absence of the Hamslucker twins (see previous post). By definition, it's a boner that is not necessarily in response to sexual arousal or desire, though it can start out that way. It's just there. The cause is a failure of the erectile mechanism to either shut down the inflow of blood to the penis or failure to relax the valves that allow blood to flow out. The disease is nothing at which to shake a stick. It can lead to permanent erectile dysfunction and even penile necrosis. Penile necrosis = Dead dick = Gangrene and amputation = Bummer.

The malady is named after the Greek god Priapus – a god of gardens and fertility – who had a grotesque little body with a huge penis [gotta love that Greek imagination]. A son of Aphrodite – the god of love – Priapus liked to chase after nymphs. Hell, even guys with little dicks like to do that.

Though not directly related to any group or race, Sickle cell disease has been shown to predispose one to priapism. Since Sickle cell is much more prominent in the African American population, Black men are more likely to experience a perpetual putter. One study cited about 40% of adult patients with Sickle cell disease experiencing at least one occurrence of priapism. Fortunately it's very rare in all cases.

Priapism is a disease primarily of men, though there have been rare cases of Clitoral priapism. One, two, three... just counting the number of completely inappropriate jokes I could make about that.

According to WebMD, “Deaths have been reported in patients with sickle cell disease presenting with priapism, but the cause of death usually is not related to the priapism per se but to complications from the underlying disease process.” No choice but to have an open-casket funeral. I wonder, do they have to dig the grave down an extra 12 inches? And what do you write on the tombstone?

You may be asking, in light of previous posts, why I'm even dealing with this issue inasmuch as I advocate against the use of ED drugs. Well, as I relate in my book, there is a case for using these meds just to jump-start your wanger after a long period of abstinence, once you're “healthy enough” to have sex, of course.

So, should you test the waters with these pills, the basic message of this post is that:

1. The 4-hour boner is highly unlikely. Don't worry about it.
2. If you have the Sickle cell gene, you may want to limit yourself to a low-dosage, or do what you can to treat your ED with the many non-medicinal modalities that are available.
3. And just be aware that this possible unintended effect is very serious. As embarrassing as it may be, seek medical attention ASAP if “it” just won't go away.

Final note: as unlikely as it may be, priapism is possible even without having taken ED medications. After you finish repeating “I just can't believe this is f***ing happening,” about a hundred times, get to the emergency room. But don't miss the opportunity to hang a wet towel on it and take some pictures; they'll look great on your Facebook page.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

HARD! Maintaining Potency, Eliminating Erectile Dysfunction, and Enjoying Healthy Sex for Life is not just for those with ED, but for all men who want to keep functioning throughout their life. A concise and powerful men’s health guide, HARD! provides a protocol for how to do everything right. 

Available at BN.com/Nook, Apple, and Amazon/Kindle.

Also available in all eBook formats for immediate download: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/65109.

Erectile Dysfunction in your 30s? or 20s? Yep.

The linkage between ED and aging is well established and is often – if not always – associated with a long personal history of maintaining an unhealthy lifestyle. Now, erectile dysfunction is nodding its ugly head in the direction of men in their thirties and even their twenties.

Suffering from early hair loss? Thinking about taking a hair-growth, miracle cure that contains finasteride? Read the package. According to an article appearing in the Los Angeles Times on March 18^th by Shari Roan, “Hair-loss products ... sold under the brand names Propecia® and Proscar® are known to cause sexual side effects in some men. But a new study suggests that the sexual dysfunction can last for several months after stopping the medications.” 

She states that 92% of men using these products suffer ED to some extent. Boner-loss, a far more catastrophic malady than hair-loss can extend a year after you've stopped subjecting your body to these chemicals. In this time you'll go bald without getting balled.

Sexual side effects. As asserted in my previous post, side effects are effects. They're not on the side; in this case they hit you right in the center of your manhood.

Young men – as young as 21 in the study cited by Ms. Roan – who find they're thinning out on top and try to increase their attractiveness to women, find that they've got a much more profound problem when they connect: erectile dysfunction, low sexual desire and decreased arousal.

Other drugs that deaden your dangler include most of those that are meant to address depression: Zoloft®, Prozac®, etc. Yeah, right! How undepressed are you going to be when your Willie won't wonk?

All these chemicals impact the overall biochemistry of your body, but not naturally. Even those meds that are supposed to be similar or identical to those compounds produced naturally by your body don't work the same when they're administered from outside. This goes for your ladies, too. HRT (hormone replacement therapy) or other medications she may be taking for her “female” issues – including improperly dosed birth-control pills – may be shutting down her libido. They could just make her disinterested, but they can also cause her to feel pain when penetrated. We guys can be selfish, but we'd never want to subject our ladies to that.

When the body (male or female) produces a chemical mediator, such as a neuropeptide or hormone, it is produced where it is needed, in the quantity that is required, and often within the control of natural chemo-regulatory systems that will quickly eliminate the excess and cancel its effect when that chemical is no longer needed. That just doesn't happen when you take a pill.

Further, some naturally occurring chemicals have drastically different effects when naturally produced in various parts of the body. Biochemicals that mediate the immune response, for example, also impact brain chemistry. That's why antihistamines often have a “side effect” of causing drowsiness – and impotence, though transient. Drugs dose the entire body. Nature administers its medications locally.

If you're “too young to have erectile dysfunction,” take a look at your nasal sprays, cosmetic lotions, analgesics (pain meds) and recreational drugs – including alcohol. No one of these may have been demonstrated to cause ED, but the cumulative effect of all these, and a crappy diet, may shut you down earlier than you imagine.

Remember that erectile function is not all-or-nothing. You may not notice the slow onset – a stealthy progression – until your roll over and ask your lover “How was it for you?” and you're told, “I love you anyway.”

Ouch.

2nd Edition updated May 2012.

HARD! Maintaining Potency, Eliminating Erectile Dysfunction, and Enjoying Healthy Sex for Life is not just for those with ED, but for all men who want to keep functioning throughout their life. This concise and powerful men’s health guide provides a protocol for how to do everything right.

Available at BN.com/Nook, Apple, and Amazon/Kindle.

Also available in all eBook formats for immediate download: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/65109.

The Case Against Erectile Dysfunction Drugs

A little housekeeping: As I stated in my previous post, I've written a book dealing with many aspects of male health. While ED is always at the forefront of these discussions, overall male health is the way to avoid suffering erectile dysfunction and other maladies in one's later years. My treatise deals with all dimensions of male metabolism and catabolism to address both the general and the specific.

Though it is isn't a marketable title for a book, the working title of the manuscript was simply “Manifesto.”  I'd sit at the keyboard in my cloistered hovel clad only in a dark, hooded sweatshirt. From time to time I'd fall asleep while working. One afternoon I awoke from a dream of Michelle Pfeifer to see a string of 7s spanning several pages displayed on the screen. “7” is high and center on the keyboard. Use your imagination. I knew my premise for continued male health was valid.

Back to topic.

Paraphrased from Manifesto: “You should not have to resign yourself to popping a hit-and-miss pill 30-minutes before each time you need a woody. That would reduce you to some kind of aging Oliver shuffling up to the megalithic pharmaceutical juggernaut, hands outstretched, 'May I have a boner, please?'”

Viagra® and Cialis® are, of course, the big guns in the arena of ED meds. They are the most advertised, but there are others. These two drugs work quite differently from each other and I'll discuss that in a later post. The downside, however, is the same for all of these chemicals.

There are three primary reasons not to ever have to rely on erectile dysfunction medications:

1. They yoke you to chemical leash held firmly by an inhumane entity.
2. They have side effects.
3. They make it very, very hard.

First, there is nothing “curative” about these drugs. They restore some function, but in the absence of any other health-directed action, the user is never released from the burden of periodic dosing. Cialis® now offers an “every-day” pill so you can always be ready for action. Let's get real. If you're young enough to get laid every day, you're too young to need the pill. If you're an old dude with a really young boner-hungry chicky-boom, then you've got enough money that she doesn't care if you can get it up, as long as the pool-boy shows up every Thursday and Monday. Sometimes Tuesday. Occasionally Saturday, and twice on Wednesday.

Second: side effects. There is no such thing as a “side effect.” Side effects are effects. Perhaps “really bad stuff that will also happen” would be better moniker. To prove this point, have you ever heard of a POSITIVE side effect? No, a four-hour erection is not good. Take my word for it. Back in '77 there was an afternoon with the Hamslucker twins... but that's a story for another time.

Then there's how hard it really gets. That is, how hard to pay your rent, electric bill, or buy food. The ED drugs are expensive. $10 or more per pill. The every-day dose: $130+ per month. It's like taking out a perpetual mortgage on your dick.

I treat this topic much more extensively in the book, but this should give you an idea of where I'm going with this and why -- even if you're a young guy -- you should set yourself up for life-long potency.

* * *

HARD! Maintaining Potency, Eliminating Erectile Dysfunction, and Enjoying Healthy Sex for Life is not just for those with ED, but for all men who want to keep functioning throughout their life. A concise and powerful men’s health guide, HARD! provides a protocol for how to do everything right. 

Available at BN.com/Nook, Apple, and Amazon/Kindle.

Also available in all eBook formats for immediate download: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/65109.

A long time coming...

I've turned 60 years old. I have many male friends who are close to -- or a couple of years ahead of -- that benchmark. They, like me, reject their own mortality. We look in the mirror and still see the 30-something guy with all the promise of the world still ahead of us. I'm here to reaffirm that all the passion and pleasure we have enjoyed over the past decades -- failed marriages not withstanding -- still exists as a powerful potential.

Of course, I'm writing about Sex -- for the pure physical pleasure, as well as being an integral part of a well-rounded and mature relationship with a special woman: friend, companion, playmate, confidant, and lover.

Show me a guy who's as potent in his 60s as he was in his 30s and I'll show you a guy who was impotent in his 30s. Erectile dysfunction is not all or nothing. There are degrees. Many of us feel we can perform adequately. Is adequacy sufficient? Some have resorted to Viagra or Cialis and think that these quick-fixes makes them hot lovers again. It's great to have a woman who will let you get away with that, but not every guy is so blessed. Then there are those who are "in the market," and hope to impress a new lover when they have the chance to hit the sheets. Adequate just don't cut it.

I've spent the last year researching men's health with an emphasis on erectile function, but also to stave off my own physical deterioration: bones, muscles, stature, skin tone, and the all important strength and stamina -- in bed and out. I've written a manifesto on the subject, almost 200 pages. My literary agent has it out to a number of publishers and we're very enthusiastic about the initial response. Placement is pending.

I will bring my thoughts to this blog including some excerpts from the book. I invite your feedback, of course, and also your personal experiences and insights. My intention is to share what I've learned and create an open dialogue. Let's keep it civil and "clean," but also candid and real. Thanks for your interest.