On-Line Dating -- The Digital Yenta

I thought I'd take a break from discussing what could go wrong in a man's sex life to what could go right.

I, as your probably do, demeaned the idea of finding women via dating sites. Last summer, however, having been divorced for a while, felt I was ready to meet someone. I was closing in on 60 years old, though I feel much more like 45, and was ready to get back in the saddle.

Having frequented local watering holes with some regularity, I couldn't remember the last time that I had even seen an age-appropriate single woman in whom I could be interested – on my side of the bar. Plus, if I had, she might still be married, involved, or just too high maintenance for me to deal with – I was operating with limited capital. Additionally, unlike the me of my 20s and 30s, I really wasn't interested in picking someone up just to get laid. I was hoping to meet someone I could date for a reasonable period of time – a few months, at least.

Okay. I admit it. That's laziness. I didn't want to have to keep breaking the ice every time I wanted some action... that seemed like a lot of work. Settle down with a steady squeeze for a few months – hey, longer if we really get along – and be able to enjoy a woman's pleasures on a Saturday night without ever having to leave the house.

So, depending on bars for social encounters was out. Perhaps, someone at the office? Well, that's just a bad idea for more reasons than this blog has server space to enumerate.

While lamenting to a buddy, he told me of his adventures with on-line dating. He had gotten some traction, and he thought I might enjoy it, too. I scoffed, then I looked, then I signed up. I quickly discovered that these sites are not just for old farts like me. There are girls as young as 18 and many, many in their 20s looking for age-compatible men. Some are so incredibly beautiful you'd wonder why they'd have to resort to on-line at all. But they do. By the way, there are beauties of all ages, and I was encouraged.

It doesn't matter which site. From what I understand they're all pretty good. Match.com, Chemistry.com, eHarmony.com, and the plethora of other sites that appeal to those with particular religious, ethnic, or racial specificites... they all work. Best to engage a few as a guest before paying any money, and find one that just feels right to you. There's even one site that is pretty much designed for upscale people who just want to have sex; it costs $250 to join, and from the very brief glimpse I got of it – pressing my nose against the digital window – these were all ultra-maintenance women... and worth it... but all above my pay-grade.

What I like about meeting women on-line is that it takes the “blind” out of blind dating. You get to see a photo of the woman and read how she perceives herself. You first communicate by email, then chat on the phone. If that appeals you meet in a public place, usually a bar or coffee house. The decision whether there will be a second, more traditional date is generally made there and then. It's simple, usually low-cost, and non-committal.

What I've come not to like about it, is that our – I include myself – self-perception can be far off the mark. One “fun-loving, loves-to-laugh” lady I met barely cracked a smile during our entire 60 minute encounter. Perhaps I don't look like Brad Pitt, and I don't have the comedic talents of Conan O'Brien, but, come on, you're out, your having a drink, lighten-up!

Still, there are many women who put themselves out there, present accurate and timely depictions of their face and figure, write open, honest, and interesting things about themselves, and are very "intriguing."

So, the point: if you're having trouble meeting women, fully consider the on-line approach. Here are a few tips for you:

1. If you're serious about doing this, get a few new photos of yourself to post. You should have at least two; one a genuine portrait shot of your face, preferably smiling. The other a head-to-toe shot. Let them see your physique, good, bad or whatever. They're going to see it if you meet anyway. If you can muster up a third, action picture, then do it. Bicycling, river rafting, hiking, walking your dog. Show her visually that you actually get of your ass occasionally and do something.
2. Next, each site will have a number of “about me” paragraphs you have to write: one general, another about what you're looking for in a woman, and others describing your various interests. Write them off line using a word-processor with spell-check. Take your time. Be honest, but they don't have to know about the boil on your ass. The purpose of the first meeting is to get to know you, the paragraphs are just a brief introduction. Did I say, “be honest?”
3. After you create your profile, have someone you know – preferably a woman – look at it and tell you what she thinks. Have you been honest? Can she understand what you've written or is it gibberish? Have you left out something that's a good selling point? You're marketing yourself as you would any other product or commodity. If there's any truth to the aphorism that you only get one opportunity to make a first impression, this is it. If your friend(s) find fault, then make the necessary changes.

Some tips about finding women:

1. Don't depend on their photo to make your choice. The beautiful women get invitations every day and can be choosy. Unless you are Brad Pitt, you're going into the arena with too many other guys; the odds are against you. Also, remember the old joke about going to bed with a "10" and waking up with a "2?" It's not always the booze. A woman can fix herself up to go out – or for a photo-shoot – that belies her day-to-day appearance. Bottom line: don't make a selection based only on physical attraction; there has to be some substance there as well.
2. Take a hint: If the woman's picture is of her standing in front of a Bentley, and you drive a Corolla, you may be out of your league.
3. Read their entire profile. See what they like and don't like. If they enjoy spending an hour a day at the gym... and you don't... chances are that's a bad choice. If they love the opera... and you don't... that's a bad choice. If they hate sports... that could be a very bad choice.

I can tell you a lot more about my experiences and how best to market yourself. If you're interested, let me know through the comments section below, and I'll expand on this topic in future posts.

PS: My current status? I've met with half a dozen women. I have two new dates pending, and I'm having a lot of fun just playing the game.